I trudge past several million dollar sign worth of 3DTVs , looking for a skilful position to take a diddlysquat . The potty are all filthy . CES attendees are overwhlemingly men . Men are filthy , peculiarly when they ’ve been drinking too much coffee and eating Vegas buffets .
So I fudge into the ladies ’ room . It is empty and pristine . For the first metre since I arrived at the Las Vegas Convention Center , I find some quiet .
I veil in the bathroom for about 20 minutes , play Carcasonne , and not thinking . I ask this — I was up until 4:30 in the morning , make for stove poker and blackjack and drinking beer .
I DM Mike Tyson on Twitter , hoping to get him to come look at some gadgets with me , but he ’s in Spain shooting a commercial . I just want everyone to face at some gadgets with me .
Then it ’s clock time for a encounter , so I scuttle out through a maze of ocular and aural assault , past booth after John Wilkes Booth of headset - wearing pedlar doing their undecomposed Billy Mays . Deep in the middle of the commotion , I meet yet another PR mortal whom I ’ll never see again in my life , and nail down in for a demo of another product I already know I ’m not going to indite about .
hoi polloi keep coughing on me . I seek to heed politely , all the while wondering if I have the flu . I got my flu shot on December 29 . I ca n’t aid but question if it has activated yet . They tell you that it take 14 daytime for antibodies to become effective , but that can vary from somebody to someone . I take the wardrobe release and wander away past walls and walls of blinking , hum , electronics .
I essay to remember all the products I ’ve talked about that I wo n’t even incommode to cover — and that nobody ’s run to buy . There were some Bluetooth speakers . Or mayhap they were WiFi . But there was decidedly a helmet River Cam . And a waterproofed earphone . And a tablet and an ultrabook and an OLED boob tube . There was ennui upon boredom upon ennui set in this awful temple to engineering science .
I ideate tune up all the telecasting sets to hardcore homo erotica , just to see the spectacle of it all . I fantasise that I am the only one here , in a post - apocalyptic patronage show . Alone among these elaborated booths . Free to scamper up on top of them . Free to take hold of what I want , and really play with it , like a shaver . I want to see it all catch fire . I want to pour gasoline in the ducts and light up a long fuse , and watch from the street as it burns and George Burns and burns . My guessing is that the flames would be quite beautiful , color by chemical washes and treated glass . My hangover is killing me .
An executive in a really gracious courtship from an up - and - arrive display company tell apart me they design to ship a half a million units this twelvemonth . I seek to figure out how much that is in kg of rarified terra firma metals , but I ca n’t . Wolfram Alpha turn out to be pretty useless for this sort of thing . The CEO is available for interviews .
There is a hole in my heart comprehend deep by advertising and envy and a desire to see a thing that is Modern and different and beautiful . A place within me that is empty , and that I want to fill up . The maw makes me think electronics can help . And of track , they can .
They make the existence gentle and more enjoyable . They supercharge productivity and provide entertainment and data and sometimes even condition . At least for a while . At least until they are obsolete . At least until they are scraps .
Electronics are our talismans that ward off the spiritual vacuum of modernity ; begild in Gorilla Glass and cadmium . And in them we find entertainment in lieu of felicity , and exchanges in lieu of actual connections .
And , oh , I am guilty . I am shamefaced . I am hangdog .
I feel that way too . More than most , probably . I ’m forever wanting something Modern . Something I ’ve never seen before , that no one else has . Something that will be both an elongation and expression of my person . Something that will take me away from the world I actually live in and rent me immerse myself in another . Something that will let me see more detail , take well icon , do more at once , function smarter , run quicker , live longer .
perchance I ’ve even made you finger that way too .
A lamentable cavalcade of fertile men with roll - aboard luggage rushes retiring , look at their earpiece as they take the air , choke up my way .
The TV Art Frame from Art Motion Technology will cover your bland panel television system like a window systema skeletale . “ The window legerdemain is an actual bit of canvas artwork from the palate of Artist David Christopher Miller ” and is available in sizes from 37 - inches to 65 - inch in various colors and styles . I do not care , and I do not care , and I do not care .
Ces2012
Daily Newsletter
Get the best tech , skill , and polish news in your inbox daily .
News from the future , save to your nowadays .
You May Also Like
